January 2012
a haiku for the bus driver who deliberately drove...
sequin-stuffed:
l7one:
I swear to god bruh Let me catch you in the streets Bruh I swear to god
LMAO
lol
“The quieter you become the more you can hear.”
– Ram Dass (via bhargette)
2 tags
Only fear is mediocrity.
only we would have an arguement on new years.
it started on the phone, about me wanting to spend NYE with him, but he's working, how the hell is the ymca open on NYE? I want to believe he's not lying... but I will verify by calling from my house number, later. Anyway, he said his job isn't going to let me stay their til twelve even though they close at 11. Then I said I felt like a loser for being home. He tries to justify that by saying ppl die on new years, "ppl get shot, raped, stabbed on new years so don't feel bad. Besides this was a bad year anyways what do you have to celebrate?" He said he'd call back when he got to work but I continued in texts.
me: my year wasn't effed up, my year was great. If all that happened didn't happen I'd still be oblivious to the way a lot of things work, I'd still fear failure, I wouldn't know what self love is [gets real personal... let's skip those parts]. I may not have made leaps and bounds but I'm leaving this year better than how I found it. I think that's something to celebrate. But that's why I wanted to celebrate with you.
him: lol ok
me: was your year wack? I think not
him: at this rate, you'll never get it
me: get what
me what is it that I'm not getting?
Takes years for him to answer... so I answer prematurely jumping to conclusions, answering like a foolish high school girl. I won't put what I said. -____________________-
then 30 mins later
me: I'm having texter's remorse for writing all that -_________________________________- nevermind. Nevermind the whole thing.
him: smh
me: help me "get to a rate" where I'll get it. Instead of just staying lost. I'm tired of being 24 and lost. Help me build momentum to where I can function on my own.
him: idk if you can :( [
him: I won't help people who won't help themselves
me: (20mins later, after thinking to myself AM i NOT HELPING MYSELF? WTflyingF) ok
me: sounds like you're giving up on me. Like you're losing hope for me. (at this point I'm sure we're going to break up by 12am)
me: (after a crying fit 2hours later) you act like I'm not helping myself though
him: :-l
him: ok
me: you don't think i'm helping myself? you don't think I've made any progress at all?
him: i think you should go out and celebrate
me: this isn't even about going out. I don't even want to go out anymore
him: ok
me: (this is when I went from depressed bitch to crazy bitch in under 3secs) why do you think I'm incapable of functioning on my own? that I'm incapable of getting it?
him: Omgggg. This is not how I'd like to go into the new year
me: you'll live, who cares how you enter it, it's how you leave it.
me: how you think I feel about you saying "idk if you can" how would you feel if I doubted your abilities? Earlier that hurt my feelings. Right now IDGAF, you can doubt me if you want.
him: you see... its that type of thinking that made me say "I won't help people that won't help themselves"
him: it's kool
him: let's end this convo
him: before something bad comes of it
me: (30mins later) sorry.
.....
after reading all this... I realize how much of an emotional unstable psycho I really am.
I may just go into hiding after this post.
December 2011
Before Drake started saying YOLO did you guys...
callmeswavey:
this month (jan)
i will practice not saying what I’m going to do and just do it. Normally I state what I’m going to do, but it never gets done.
that makes this post an oxymoron since I’m talking about what I’m going to do. So this is the last post like this.
2 tags
from depression comes some beautiful things
frank ocean
Alexander McQueen
my friend and I’s weirdness.
“Oh you didn’t know [we were] depressed? nevermind”
When people say "Jesus take the wheel" I laugh so...
Although I've been raised to believe he exists......
I don't believe in the devil.
i'm done time to go to bed.... i mean sleep
dear time of the mutha effin month
you’ve done it yet again, effed up another mutha effin nye by blessing me with my mutha effin period and forcing me to be bloated with swollen mutha effin feet. So not only do I not feel comfortable in my clothes, but MY MUTHA EFFIN NEW SHOES DON’T FIT, neither do any of the oldie but goodie ones.
this ish blows, eff you,
Jaz of Flyconic
I lost respect for so many people in 2011.
That moment when you are trying to cheer up your...
Click here for more laughs!
lol That’s me on the left
and my inner thoughs on the right.
but I’m getting better this was more like october.
Pop that book for a nerd, though!
kindle book that is lmao
My friends with their guy problems.
For every guy of the week, they’re like,
“He hasn’t texted me in like FIVE MINUTES. WHAT DID I DO WRONG?”
And I’m just chillin’ on Tumblr like,
“My mental relationship with my favorite celebrity is going fucking fantastic.”
lol my mental relationship and my actual are going great.
